Breakable News got wind of this story when one of its ace cub reporters was passing by a cemetery in D.C that only admitted Republican congresspeople, and recognized several men in suits digging. She scratched her head and thought, Now why would these senators be rooting around in this Republican cemetery? Who are they burying? And why are they themselves doing the digging? So, as we train our ace cub reporters, often full of piss and vinegar, she went right up and asked one of them. Our reporter's name is Alice B. Tokful.
ABT: Excuse me, Senator McConnell, what are you digging?
MM: What, you can't see? I'm digging my own grave. Now beat it. I'm busy and running out of time. We've got a vote coming up about this damn impeachment of Trump and I'm preparing for it by this digging. It's tough. Each of my colleagues you see digging is working all by themselves digging their own graves. It's hard work, and to be honest, there's not much future in it.
ABT: So Hawley, Graham, Tuberville, Lee, Cruz--all these guys around you are also digging their own graves? This is how you're all preparing for the vote?
MM: Right. For the past four years we've been painting ourselves into a bloody corner, and we just didn't see January 6 coming. Trump made us all deaf and dumb...and blind.
ABT: Like Helen Keller.
MM: Much worse. She was brilliant. We are all stupid. Hopelessly stupid. We're so saddled with Trump and his entrails, all we're left to do is dig these graves and dig them fast enough so we can jump in after we take this vote to more than likely acquit this moron of putting me and all my colleagues within minutes of losing our lives and axing our American experiment with democracy. We're all on a boat on the river of no-return. Problem is most of these a...holes in here digging, don't even know what they're doing. They're like zombies, without brains or hearts or souls. I've been able to pry myself somewhat loose of Trump and start to speak truth to lies by calling out these crazy racist conspiracy theories that are quickly becoming part of the official Republican platform.
ABT: Why don't you just stop and vote to convict Trump?
MM: Can't. We're too far into the forest to see the trees. In fact we cut all the trees down, so we're just naked before the world. We're trapped. We're hogtied. We're scallywagged. We're bamboozled. We're...Trumped!
ABT: I see. Well, listen, I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll let you get to it, and continue digging your own grave. Have a nice day, sir. And, Oh, I think you need to widen that hole some.
And there, kind readers, is all you need to know about this impeachment trial. The Dems have presented an open and shut case, and the GOP is ready to go ahead with acquittal and consequently dig their own graves. Stay tuned as this is a developing story not unlike the old darkroom with all the toxic stuff you've got to put your hands into.
We'll be back with a typical Breakable analysis of today's report as soon as we can locate a columnist brave enough to deal with all the Trump-inspired hate mail and death threats.
And now our renowned recipe of the day: Nutty Hot Chocolate. Instructions: Oh, sheesh, you know what to do...
Good one