Breakable News with an incredible journey into the treacherous GOP Rabbit Hole
with ace investigative reporter Jack Reddit
Breakable News breaks new ground delving and diving into an uncharted rabbit hole of Republican making, seeing what distortions, distractions, and dislocations it can find in our intrepid journey of discovery, not unlike the brave explorations of Lewis and Clark in times past. And we chose, of course, our ace investigative reporter Jack Reddit to embed his way into this reddit...I mean...rabbit hole of discombobulation.
JR: OK, I've got my body camera and tape going so you can follow my every movement and manipulation along the way. Like Geraldo at Capone's Vault, I've never before been in this hole and don't know what I'll find, but, if it's there, I'll find it, or find that's it's not findable, or that I, myself, am no longer findable. In other words, lost. Ah, there's someone up ahead. I'll check this out. Who goes there?
Rep. Margorie Taylor Greene: It's just me, Margie. Who are you? We don't allow Democrats down here, y'know.
JR: No problem, Ms. Greene, at Breakable we're completely partisan.
MTG: Oh, in that case, what's on your mind? I've got to dig this damn hole deeper, some people are already uncovering more dirt that's uncomfortable for even me.
JR: Right. What's the latest Q cue?
MTG: Oh, that's obvious: Did you see the way Biden blinked his eyes on the 17th syllable of his latest harangue on TV. Q is the 17th letter of the alphabet. So Biden is one of us, and on March 10th he'll be abdicating the throne and giving the scepter over to Trump. Q guarantees it, so a lot of us are already awaiting the coronation ceremony. I expect to be appointed to his cabinet as Minister of Silly Walks.
JR: Oh, Really. I thought McCarthy was getting that post. And further...Oh, look who's here. How do, Minority Leader McCarthy...
Kevin McCarthy: What's going on here? Who the hell are you, and how did you get down here? This hole is only for special Republicans who owe their allegiance to King Donald J. Trump the First, now and forever. Now get out of here!
JR: All right, all right, all right (to quote a particular Hollywood elite), just hold on there cowboy. I'm Jack Reddit from Breakable, the news source seen by tens of people worldwide. Are you an adherent of QAnon as is your friend here, Ms. Greene?
KM: I don't much about this Cupie Doll, or however you say it. I'm just a simple politician from southern Cal who's motto is It doesn't take a weatherman to know which way the political wind blows. I'm just a fox who campaigns for nothing between me and the chicken coup. Comprende, Jock?
JR: That's Jack. You must be close to Ted Cruz then?
KM: Goddamn right. And furthermore...Oh look, here comes Ted himself. Howdy, Senator, I hear Texas is seceding.
TC: Damn right. Forming our own damn country, with our own president and forms for foreign aid. We'll figure it all out after the public votes on it. Only problem right now is that Austin will more than likely wind up like Berlin before '89. We're hoping President Trump jumps on our bandwagon after he is sworn in on March 10. Isn't that right, Margie?
MTG: Right as rain, Teddy Boy. Here, throw up that Constitution as high as you can so I can shoot some f...ing holes through it.
JR: Hi, folks (aside to tape), Jack here. This hole is getting pretty dark. I can't see my soul in front of me, let alone anyone else's. Not sure how I'm gonna find my way outta here. I forgot to lay down bread crumbs on the way in. Well OK now folks (now to the assembled GOP Rabbit Holers), I'm outta time and gotta run and ... Oh jeez, Sen. Hawley. Fancy meeting you down here.
Josh Hawley: Where else would I be? I like to be near my buds in Congress.
JR: How do you feel about QAnon?
JH: QAnon. Oh, right. Anonymous Queers. I'm against homosexuals, but like Trump says, they seem to love America, so they're OK, I guess.
JR: What about their involvement in the January 6th Insurrection?
JH: Why? What happened on the 6th?
JR: Hey, I'm outta here, folks. I'll leave you all to it, as the Brits and Aussies say. I'll find my way out. Just have to follow my sane brain.
And that folks concludes our exclusive journey down the Rabbit Hole of today's Republican Party. Our reporter Jack has unfortunately come down with Covid will be in indefinite quarantine. But he is just thrilled that he made it out alive. And remember, if there's one thing to remember from today's report, remember not to enter the Republican Rabbit Hole yourselves. You may never remember to return.
As always, Have a Nice Day!!!